Worst Cubs makes for crowded bracket

In the distant future, when Cubs fans look back on the 2011 Chicago Cubs' unexpected World Series Championship, we'll recall how the glorious season gave us the first of many championship banners to hang at Wrigley Field. But as we prepare for the approaching Opening/April Fool's Day of this historic season, my thoughts turn to the past.

The Cubs, with 10,240 franchise wins, own more victories than any team except the Giants in Major League history, mostly because of their history is longer. In their inaugural season of 1876, our Chicago boys swept a homestand in Boston against the team now called the Braves, weeks before General Custer lost his last stand against a different set of braves. The Cubs could lose 100 games every year until 2022 and still have a winning record as a franchise.

But because they haven't won a World Series since 1908, the Cubs are known as lovable losers. In the lifetime of anyone older than 11, the Cubs certainly haven't been winners. Since my birth, the Cubs have won 4,024 games and lost 4,369, and played even worse (6-20) in their rare postseason appearances. So it's understandable why fans focus on the bad.

That's why, even though all of us Cubs fans have great expectations for likable Carlos Pena, the $10 million left-handed slugger who hit 28 homers in 2010, we can't forget his anemic .196 batting average. Those stats, both powerful and pathetic, bring to mind ex-Cubs slugger and former Prospect High School stud athlete Dave Kingman, who was drummed out of the game in 1986 after he hit 34 homers while batting only .210.

Pondering how many millions Kingman would be worth in today's market, my attempts to reach the surly slugger have been unsuccessful. Kingman's disagreeable nature and low batting average bring to mind 2009 Cub outfielder Milton Bradley, whom I regard as far more worthless than his 12 homers and .257 average suggest.

Compiling a list of worse Cubs players, I dismiss reserves such as utility infielder Brett Barbie and his .034 batting average in 1996, and focus only on players the Cubs deemed good enough to be Opening Day starters. In 2002, starting left-fielder Roosevelt Brown hit .211 while the infield featured third-baseman Chris Stynes (.241 batting average) and shortstop Alex Gonzalez (best remembered for his error in “the Bartman game” of the 2003 playoff debacle), who hit .248. Delino DeShields, who came to the Cubs after completing a decent career, played second and hit .192 before officially retiring. At catcher, Todd Hundley, the horribly unpopular son of the much-beloved Randy Hundley, hit .211, which was an improvement over the .187 he hit the prior year. Hundley joins catchers such as Damon Berryhill, who hit .189 as the starter in 1991, and 1971's Ken Rudolph, who hit .197 with a slugging percentage of .237.

In 1981, Joe Strain hit .189 as the starting second baseman before giving way to Mike Tyson, who didn't show much fight in hitting .185. Catcher Tim Blackwell (.234 with one homer), shortstop Ivan DeJesus (.194 and no homers) and third-baseman Ken Reitz (.215) rounded out the stinkfest, although Reitz was better than some third basemen to play in the shadow of greats Ron Santo and Bill Madlock. Gary Scott started 1991 and 1992 at third, hitting .165 the first year and dipping to .156 the next. In 1998, the next third-baseman of the future was Kevin Orie, who hit .181 before the Cubs got rid of him after 64 games. His teammate on the left side of that infield was former All-Star Jeff Blauser, who hit .219 as a Cub.

As the first starting shortstop of the new millennium, Jose Nieves made fans' blood boil by hitting .212. His third-baseman, Shane Andrews, pushed his average to .229. Another .229 hitter, the Hollywoodish Pete LaCock (think of him as a Mark Grace who couldn't hit or field) was named the starting first baseman in 1975 after his .182 average in 1974. Any list of bad probably should include Vic Harris, the 1974 second-baseman who hit .195; catcher Steve Swisher, father of former White Sox Nick Swisher and owner of a .213 average in 1975; and 1982's Bump Wills, who was a decent hitter but made more errors (19) in 103 games than his replacement (Ryne Sandberg) would make in three seasons.

But being a bad Cub doesn't mean your baseball life has to be over. In 1994, Karl “Tuffy” Rhodes had the best Opening Day ever when the Cubs center fielder smacked three homers off Dwight Gooden. Rhodes ended up hitting .234 with only five more homers the rest of the year. But he went to Japan, where he hit 55 home runs in 2001 to tie the legendary Sadaharu Oh's single-season home run record.

We fans just hope that any member of our 2011 Cubs who ends up in Japan will take his World Series ring with him.