Parenting expert to share wisdom, laughter at library seminar

In one of those backseat scenarios that every parent knows, Gail Reichlin's kids were poking and bothering each other on the family road trip to Mount Rushmore.

Reichlin had heard enough.

"If you do that one more time, you'll walk home!" she announced.

Like kids always do, the restless 9-year-old, 5-year-old and toddler took this obvious but unintended cue to test their mom's ultimatum. But Reichlin knew she couldn't be making empty threats.

"That's it, pull over," she told her husband. The commotion stopped; the kids were silent, awestruck. "At that point, even my husband was nervous because everyone knew I was at my wit's end."

She had the kids get out of the car and line up with suitcases and backpacks.

"Home is that way," she instructed. Somber and wide-eyed, the youngest nearly in tears, the children hesitated, needing to know just how serious Mom really was.

"And just at that moment I said, 'Oh guys, I'm so sorry, this is really an inappropriate consequence. I have one of those big mommy headaches, and I need a great big mommy hug."

She got it.

"I had an adult need to get (to Mount Rushmore) before it was dark," she said, "and my kids had a need to be kicking a ball around a park four hours before."

After a healthy group hug, the family found a ball and a park and a renewed sense of sanity for their vacation.

Reichlin, a nationally known parenting expert, author and speaker, likes to share this mommy mistake with audiences so they understand that she's been in the trenches with them.

"My hindsight is 20/20," she said. "I did many things wrong when I was raising my young kids. I made a lot of mistakes, and I tried to learn from them."

The kids are now grown, and their mom's positive, practical advice has been a godsend for parents everywhere. Reichlin will bring the best of it to the Fox Valley on Saturday, with a free presentation at Dundee Township Public Library.

A Skokie resident, Reichlin is a veteran preschool teacher, executive director of Parents Resource Network in Chicago and a consultant to Sesame Street Workshop. A frequent guest on national TV, she also enjoys interacting with audiences in person, explaining with wit and wisdom how cooperation is better than compliance and how to speak so a child will listen -- quietly, with fewer words.

She talks about making a lasting effect with positive discipline rather than punishment and about the parent's most valuable tool --modeling appropriate behavior themselves.

She might even tell the story of how she almost became a household name.

One day Reichlin got a call from a gentleman who said he was from the British Broadcasting Corporation.

"I thought it was my husband's friend playing a joke," she said. But while she talked with the man, she 'Googled' his name on the computer, and sure enough, he was a BBC producer.

He had read her best-selling book, "The Pocket Parent," co-written with Caroline Winkler, a pocket guide with on-the-spot strategies for handling temper tantrums, lying, separation anxieties and all the rest. The book has been translated into seven languages.

"They were doing a hybrid reality documentary, and they were considering getting an American to come to England to do something similar to the 'Supernanny' in the United States," Reichlin said. "It would have made me absolutely famous.

"I said right off the bat, 'If you're looking for a 30-something, size zero, blonde bombshell, I'm not your woman.

"'But if you're looking for a savvy granny from across the pond who has a sense of humor, I may be your person.'"

The BBC ended up choosing a British woman for the show, "but I have a lovely letter from them saying that if given the chance we could do something awesome together," Reichlin said. "I was very flattered because they kind of courted me for two months."

Britain's loss is America's gain. Reichlin shares a wealth of ideas at her seminars, asks audience members for their own ideas and sends everyone home with handouts for parenting in the heat of the moment. She also helps moms and dads understand how their young child thinks.

"We tell children too often what they can't do rather than what they can do," she said. Reichlin gave the example of a 3-year-old about to be dropped off at Grandma's house.

"They're outside the condo door on the third floor, and Mom says, 'Billy, don't jump on the couch and pull the cat's tail like you did last week.' And Billy might as well say, 'Gee, Mom, thanks for reminding me!'"

In hearing his mother's request, Billy is only tuned into words like 'couch,' 'cat' and 'tail' and doesn't catch the 'don't' at all, Reichlin said. "They only hear the nouns at the end. It's the maturity level of their thinking process."

She said Mom and Grandma would be better off giving Billy limited choices, such as "Would you like to take this hand or this hand to go pick out a book with Grandma?'

"The whole point is to keep the child from pulling the cat's tail or jumping on the couch," she said, "but I never mention that."

Reichlin does mention that her seminars come with a warning.

"Be prepared to laugh," she said. "It's not about me lecturing; it's about us sharing our human experiences with the second most important tool after modeling, which is humor. I promise a lot of humor."

Saturday's program begins at 2 p.m., and registration is required by calling (847) 428-3661, ext. 310. The library is located at 555 Barrington Ave., East Dundee.