Clever 'Pirates' spins tale for kids, adults alike
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie" is a crazy movie for sure, but crazy like the intelligent nonsense of Monty Python crammed with film-geek references, self-aware humor, eye-popping CG animation and a clever script that sneaks in a rational explanation for why God (in the form of a king aboard a golden ship) tests people.
"Pirates" is a sequel to 2002's "Jonah -- A VeggieTales Movie" (advertised as "the most successful vegetable movie of all time") spawned from a series of faith-based, direct-to-video films starring armless, legless plant characters who act out not-so-thinly disguised morality tales.
In "Pirates," the three VeggieTales stars -- Larry the Cucumber, Mr. Lunt the gourd and Pa Grape -- star as cabin boys Elliot, Sedgewick and George working at the Pieces of Ate Dinner Theater, a pirate version of Medieval Times theater in the round.
A magic mechanical ball called a "Helpseeker" teleports the three unlikely heroes to the 17th century where they must rescue a princess and prince, held hostage by their evil uncle Robert the Terrible, a Darth Vader-ish character who's partly mechanical. He intends to kill his brother the King when he returns home.
Elliot, Sedgewick and George head out on a quest that would intimidate Indiana Jones. They cross paths with giant rock creatures, mechanical dragons, secret passageways and -- in the movie's master stroke of nutty invention -- carnivorous Cheese Curls.
Sure, they look like cheese curls. Smell like cheese curls. But when Sedgewick attempts to eat one, that's when the curls -- 60 kazillion of them -- reveal they have mouths with big teeth.
"What kind of a crazy movie am I in?" a fleeing Sedgewick screeches, "'Attack of the Killer Cheese Curls?'"
Close enough.
This is a dopey, silly movie that bounces around like a helium balloon. Its creators -- director Mike Nawrocki (a University of Illinois grad) and writer/producer Phil Vischer (a Wheaton resident) -- embrace the dopiness and go for broke in a bold, ostentatious kids movie that savvy adults will greatly enjoy.
Film geeks will thrill to references to "The Wizard of Oz," "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End," "Mysterious Island," "The NeverEnding Story" even "Scarface," Brian De Palma's once-X-rated gangster movie.
Kids will appreciate the humor, perfectly pitched to their sensibilities without pandering. Take the robotic toy that Sedgewick employs to snatch keys from a jailer.
The princess thinks it's magic. Sedgewick says, "It's no magic. It's Radio Shack!"
"The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie"
3½ stars out of four
Opens today
Larry the Cucumber as Elliot
Mr. Lunt as Sedgewick
Pa Grape as George
Written by Phil Vischer. Produced by Paula Marcus and Phil Vischer. Directed by Mike Nawrocki. A Universal Pictures release. Rated G. Running time: 85 minutes.