Missing your child's friends' parents? Plan a get-together sans kids

This one's for you, Susan.

Who haven't you seen for a while … and why?

When you move, as we did for years, you obviously lose touch with a lot of people. Hopefully, you stay in touch with one or two, but in general, there are many people you don't see anymore.

When we finally settled in Naperville after several moves from state to state, one of the best things was knowing we were staying put -- we could make friends and keep them. But two things have thrown a wrench into that theory.

The first we have no control over. Though we didn't move again, other people did. Bad joke on us! We'd been leaving people all those years and we never considered others would go and do that to us. But move they did. Some we've been lucky enough to keep in touch with; others we haven't.

What has been more surprising is another whole category of losing touch, one I never imagined way back when our kids were small. Now the frustrating situation many of us find ourselves in is that as our lives change -- as our and/or our kids' lives and activities change, to be more specific -- there are whole groups of people we don't see anymore.

I noticed it at first, of course, with my oldest child. He went and graduated from high school -- that bum -- and with him went many of his friends who happened to be the youngest in their families.

So their parents were no longer hanging around the school volunteering, or sitting near us at football or volleyball games, or in the auditorium at concerts. We still live here. Many of them still live here, but our paths no longer cross and it's similar to years ago when we'd move away.

The same thing happens when you switch health clubs or swim clubs or your child gives up a sport or activity or switches teams. Their interests have changed, which is fine, but you don't realize that with their decision comes a change in your … what? Friendships?

Relationships can't exactly be characterized as friendships if something as minor as a scheduling change leaves you strangers, can it? Perhaps not … but it does happen. Everyone I know talks about it.

I could fill several columns with lists of people we haven't seen in months, probably years, simply because their child and our child no longer have an activity in common.

Some were pleasant acquaintances I barely remember, some I really miss. Sure, someone could pick up the phone and plan a get-together, but when you've gotten to know someone on a soccer field sideline or in the bleachers or however your child and their child spent time together, it isn't part of your history and not always easy to do.

What does that say about people and friendships in the early 21st century?

I'm at the brink of another large change of people-surroundings, and I already look around at my fellow parents knowing many won't be in the same places with me next year.

This time, I know in advance how odd it will feel not to see some of these people I've known in a casual way for years. I know I may not see many of them, that in some cases that won't bother me at all, but some people I will really miss.

So what do you do when you run out of kids? Well, I hear that not only do you miss the folks I'm talking about, but a whole bunch of them start to -- yes, that word again -- move away. I suppose that's life -- family life in the suburbs, at least.

Some of this we have no choice in. I have already suggested to my younger son that he could perhaps spend another year or two here, not that that would help, nor is he going for it.

But we do have a choice -- a choice probably too few of us choose: to gather up some of those people you haven't seen in a while and get together -- no children or excuse necessary. Sort of a mini-high school reunion for the parents.

At the end of this cold, cold week, I leave that warm suggestion to all of you. Some day, I hope I'll take myself up on it as well.