You must be the world heavyweight champ

Q. I found out that my boyfriend has been selling my prescribed anti-anxiety medication (sedatives) to a friend of his. Not many, but a few. I hate this friend, so on top of feeling ripped off, I don't want to do anything that would benefit him. I found out, however, by snooping through my boyfriend's text messages. So, yes, I am aware we have trust issues; neither of us trusts the other enough. We've had a lot of counseling and are working on it, but it's slow going. What should I do?

And, please don't go too far down the road about how it's illegal. We're not talking about narcotics here; Claritin was a prescription drug a couple of years ago.

Snoopy the Impromptu Drug Dealer

A. This is good. If I slap my forehead numb, it's almost like homemade Botox.

Normally it's difficult to help people solve a problem when I'm told not to mention the problem. Fortunately, with your situation, I can just mosey on down and pick the next problem in line.

You are rationalizing the fact that your boyfriend is stealing something that you rely on for your health -- not to save his dying mother, mind you, or feed his family, but for profit. Wow. I'll give you credit -- most people try to rationalize away the little stuff, but you didn't shrink from a challenge.

I appreciate that you've invested a lot of time and hard work in this guy, and that accepting he's a thief means discarding it all. But you're trying to spin his atrocious behavior into something ... I don't know, nonatrocious. (A complete waste of time, by the way, if I haven't made my leanings clear.) And you're trying to pass off the hated but irrelevant friend as part of the problem.

Instead, why don't you spin dumping the boyfriend as follows: getting your soul back.

You've tried to make counseling work on someone who equates "decency" with "lost income." Now try it on someone who deserves your attention: a certain text-snooping, self-loathing provider of pills and excuses. You have to want more out of life.

Q. I was in a relationship with a controller/abuser, and I finally got out about four months ago. How can you tell the difference between "just not ready for" and "just not into" someone? I've started seeing a wonderful woman ... very laid-back, attractive, successful. But I feel very "blah" about things, like sometimes I'd rather just be alone, and when I am alone I don't even think about her at all. I certainly don't want to hurt her, but it begs the question of whether I'm not into her, or it's just my emotional state right now.

Baltimore

A. And your question begs the question, what do you have to lose by being honest?

Granted, you don't want to throw around such universally hurtful observations as, "When I'm alone I don't even think about you." However, your circumstances are plainly sympathetic: You've been badly hurt and barely had time to mend (and might have a touch of depression).

You're also admitting you need time alone to someone who, presumably, you'd be otherwise eager to see. If you mean it like you say it, a wonderful person will get it. The truth is unerring that way.

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