Things to avoid early in a relationship
Anyone who has stepped outside of the house, taken public transportation or gone on a date knows there are a heck of a lot of wacky people running around out there - and for some irritating reason women get stamped with the "crazy" label way more often than men.
There may be a drop of truth to the stereotype - some women can be a bit eccentric. I am not talking about capriciously cute idiosyncrasies either; I am speaking of brazen lunatic behavior.
Maybe you have been called a little odd or a tad quirky. Hold your head high, as there is no shame in that, dahling! Let the woman without issues cast the first stone.
You probably do not want your sanity shortfalls to be the impression your date takes away from your first rendezvous. Therefore you should, at all costs, avoid going down the following paths for at least the first three dates:
My therapist says:
This phrase should never begin any sentence - as it will cause any man to make a mad dash for the hills. Worst case he will think you are crazy; best is he will think you are the type of girl who is going to require a lot of extra attention and talking time. Neither impression bodes well for your future relationship.
Medication time:
Any mention of psychotropic medications should probably be left until after the wedding! While you are pondering whether you can mix vodka and Prozac, your date is going to be mourning the loss of the one thing batty broads are known for - your libido - a well-known side effect of some of these medications.
Baby talk:
This is generally used by adult women who are adamant about wearing pigtails, cartoon character backpacks and age-inappropriate clothing, such as shortalls. You are sending a clear message, "I am looking for a caretaker, not a partner."
Do not pout and quiver your little lip because you got busted; get over it and grow up.
Religion, politics and aliens:
Common knowledge dictates that one should not discuss religion or politics on the first few dates. If your belief system requires special outfits or involves space-creature deities, this goes quintuple for you.
Recovery speak:
Unless you met him in recovery, avoid any and all mentions of higher powers and "steps." While it is admirable you are working on your issues, he does not need to know you single-handedly kept Wild Turkey in business.
Pull a Clinton:
There is a line, and it is not a fine one, smack dab in the middle of being flirtatious and being outright tarty. Drawing a parallel between your definition of sex and that of Bill Clinton's is not going to do you any favors, unless you want him to ask you at the end of the date how much you are charging for the evening.
White picket fences:
Do not mention, whisper or breathe a word about marriage or babies because not only will you never see this guy again, he probably will never come back from the bathroom. You do not want him thinking you are just interested in his DNA, do you?
Surely he would love to see the albums you have been putting together over the past years mapping out your wedding, and the baby books that you have already filled out minus pictures and mementos, but maybe you should hold off just for a few dates.
Arrest record:
Tales of your youthful transgressions will always make for great dinner conversation, as you are quite an interesting figure. Yet, that story about getting arrested in a concert parking lot because you were holding it "for a friend" or that yarn about being hauled away with the other protesters after spitting at the cop who "violated your rights" probably is not the right tale to spin.
Of course I am not suggesting that you hide your unmatched pluckiness under a monotonous layer of contrived lucidity. I am merely saying that you just might want to wait until you are 100 percent sure that he is really into you before showing him that drawer full of restraining orders you have racked up. When you do finally give him a little peep into that noggin of yours, just be sure to explain to him that those other guys never understood you like he does, anyway.