Just a twinge of Catholic guilt in 'Nunsense'

Full disclosure here: This production of “Nunsense” is being reviewed by someone, ahem, of a certain age, who survived, um, I mean was blessed with, 16 years of Catholic education, most of which was enforced, er, lovingly taught by nuns. (And, yes, that means I went to all-girls Catholic high school and college.)

I only bring this up because I am not exactly unbiased where nuns are concerned. Take that, as you may.

The premise of “Nunsense,” now playing at the Metropolis Performing Arts Centre in Arlington Heights, is that a group of nuns from the convent of the Little Sisters of Hoboken are putting on a benefit to raise money to bury four sisters who are being stored in the school cafeteria's freezer.

Why are there nuns in the cooler, you ask? Well, 52 members of the convent were killed when the order's cook, Sister Julia, child of God, accidentally poisoned them with tainted vichyssoise. The remaining sisters, 19 in all, escaped death by cold soup because they were off playing bingo.

The surviving sisters somehow managed to scrape up the funds to bury 48 of the deceased, but Sister Mary Regina, the Mother Superior, decided to buy a Blu-ray player for the convent and so the nuns need to host a talent show to raise the cash to bury the final four.

Preposterous, you say? Well, yes, the premise is outrageous. Add in a circus performer nun, a street punk nun from Brooklyn, a wannabe ballerina nun, and a nun with amnesia and what do you get?

Actually, what you get is the second-longest-running off-Broadway show in history. As to the Metropolis' production of “Nunsense,” you get a frothy two hours of lighthearted comedy, music and dance.

Set aside any notion of reality or common sense and sit back for every nun pun, virgin joke and Catholic wisecrack you've ever heard (or uttered — out of earshot of the good sisters, of course). Throw in the mandatory penguin references, a few saint riffs, some fine singing and dancing, plenty of audience participation and you have “Nunsense.”

Actually, the most outlandish notion of all is the idea of a school still being taught exclusively by nuns. The current production has been modified to include references to blogs and Blu-rays, but that's almost the most unbelievable part of the show. It really is set in a time and place. To that end, being a Catholic school alumni of a certain age isn't necessary to get the jokes, but it sure helps.

Directed by David Belew, the Metropolis production stars two local cast members including Kelli Clevenger of Vernon Hills, who plays Sister Mary Hubert, and Amy Malouf of Roselle who plays Sister Mary Robert Anne. Rounding out the ensemble are Elizabeth Haley as Sister Mary Amnesia, Rachel Klippel as Sister Mary Leo and Nancy Kolton as Sister Mary Regina.

(Quick quiz for all you Catholic school survivors out there: What do these nuns all have in common? Why, their names all start with Mary, of course!)

Don't be fooled by the fact they are all dressed alike. Each of these nuns has her own defined personality and talents, just as they did back in the day when I was rolling up my uniform skirt at Alvernia High School.

Kolton as the Mother Superior really bellows it out in “Turn Up the Spotlight.” Klippel's “The Biggest Ain't the Best” brought a note of seriousness to the show, if only for a moment. Malouf delivered a sweet and sassy comedic touch to the character of Sister Robert, and Clevenger played the role of Mistress of Novices with a firm, but gentle hand. If anyone stole the spotlight, it was Haley as Sister Amnesia with a coy sweetness that never went over the top.

Lest you think this is all sweetness and light, Dan Goggin, the playwright who wrote the script back in 1985, occasionally hovers over the border of bad taste and there's a naughty bit or two. (A nun getting high and a few Mary Magdalene jokes, for instance.)

Just enjoy yourself, say a few Hail Marys on the way out and you should be more than fine.

“Nunsense”

★ ★ ★

<b>Location: </b>Metropolis Performing Arts Centre, 111 W. Campbell St., Arlington Heights, (847) 577-2121, metropolisarts.com

<b>Showtimes: </b>2 p.m. Wednesday, 7:30 p.m. Thursday, 8 p.m. Friday, 7 p.m. Saturday, 3 p.m. Sunday. Through Sunday, June 26; no show on Wednesday, June 15.

<b>Running time: </b>About two hours with intermission

<b>Tickets:</b> $35-$43

<b>Parking: </b>Free lot

<b>Rating:</b> For all ages (although a little naughty at times)