‘You wish you could take the pain away’
Thirty-nine weeks and three days. A perfect baby boy. Keegan Matthew McNulty.
“Mom, we lost the baby!”
Sorrow and helplessness overwhelms you when you hear these words.
All of your life it has been your job, as mom, to try to protect your son from any person or thing that might in any way hurt him. You have loved him from the moment you knew you would be sharing your life with him.
When he marries, you are blessed once more, as you now have a daughter (in-law) in your life as well. Happiness! They are so ecstatic and eager with anticipation to bring their own son into their lives. They will soon share the greatest joy you have experienced in your life.
How will you ever find the words needed to comfort him and his wife when the happiest moment in their lives turns into the most painful?
When you see your son for the first time since hearing the news, his tears and sobs are so devastating. You are at a complete loss and all you can do is watch while he and his dad hold each other. You hope your son will somehow know that your love for him has deepened, if that is even possible, and perhaps that love will help him through this.
“Oh, guy, I am so sorry!” When you finally take him into your arms, you hold him tight, tears fall, and your heart breaks. You wish you could somehow take the pain away, but it is there — forever.
You must wait to see your sweet daughter-in-law and your heart crumbles, not knowing what you can say or do to comfort her. Her loss is profound and there is nothing, nothing you can do to ease her pain. You hold her, as you did your son, hoping she will somehow know that you love and care for her deeply and so wish her loss had never come.
It is then time to see and hold their child — your very first grandchild. A perfect blend of the two children you love with your whole being. He is the sweetest thing in creation.
He is so peaceful, so beautiful, and so quiet. A silent birth. The tears come once more and your heart shatters!
This will be my third A Walk to Remember. To walk with my extraordinary son and daughter-in-law, my newest granddaughter, Morgan, and the other families who have experienced the greatest loss of their lifetimes, has been my privilege.
Their courage, strength, devotion, love and tears are an inspiration, and my heart continues to heal with every sunrise I share with each of them.