The narcissism epidemic: How to spot the signs

There's no "I" in team, but there's plenty of "I" in narcissists. Evidence suggests that narcissism is a growing problem in our modern society, and it brings with it a subtle form of emotional abuse, even leading to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from prolonged exposure.

Seniors, particularly those who rely on family members or paid caregivers for help, are particularly vulnerable to narcissistic behaviors. And a senior who displays these behaviors can make life miserable for those who love and care for them.

It's important to know the signs of narcissism and its clinical cousin, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Although narcissists are the last people who would recognize these signs in themselves, you might be able to open someone's eyes so they see themselves more clearly, or help someone who is being victimized by a narcissist.

What is narcissism and NPD?

We often hear the word "narcissist" thrown around casually to describe those who are obsessed with themselves. Social media, which encourages people (especially young people) to focus on themselves and their public image, plays a role.

"Receiving a like on social media produces a physiological high by triggering our reward cycle," write researchers at the Newport Institute. "This good feeling is due to a dopamine rush in the reward center of the brain."

I see seniors who are affected by narcissistic, entitled family members. Here's an example: A client was in the hospital recovering from successful open heart surgery. Although his wife asked family members not to visit him so he could rest, a niece dropped in, announcing she was "in the neighborhood." The wife said her husband became stressed and exhausted from trying to make conversation with her.

That said, not everyone who exhibits narcissistic behaviors has narcissistic personality disorder. A person with NPD:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance;

• Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur;

• Needs constant praise and admiration;

• Has a sense of entitlement;

• Exploits others without guilt or shame; and

• Demeans, bullies or belittles others.

Narcissistic abuse

Narcissistic abuse is insidious because it is passive-aggressive. Here are some of the symptoms:

• Love-bombing: People with NPD may shower others with compliments and affection, but it's a form of emotional manipulation intended to earn trust, which eventually leads to control.

• Gaslighting: A narcissistic abuser may deny hurtful behaviors, pretend they don't remember the events being described or accuse the victim of lying or not understanding the way things "really" were. The result is that victims doubt themselves and become even more vulnerable.

• Ignoring boundaries: Someone with NPD might read through someone else's text messages, follow them around, or do things that they've been asked not to do (like visiting an uncle in the hospital).

• Projecting: Instead of taking the blame for mistakes, a person with NPD may project bad behaviors onto someone else. This T-shirt slogan sums it up: "Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counteraccusations."

• Making rage attacks: The victim walks on eggshells because the abuser will fly off the handle, scream insults or become physically abusive - and then blame the victim.

Seniors with NPD

While I see seniors being harmed by narcissistic, entitled family members, the reverse can also be true.

Personality disorders don't magically go away with age. An elderly narcissist may struggle with the idea of looking weak or relying on others, and become more hostile, self-centered and inflexible. These behaviors put an enormous strain on family members and caregivers.

A narcissistic senior may also display erratic behavior or make inappropriate comments, which can look like cognitive decline. And having any type of personality disorder increases the risk of cognitive decline.

How to help

It's difficult to have a genuine and loving connection with someone who has NPD, but you can protect yourself and others from narcissistic behaviors by not idealizing the person; not internalizing hurtful comments; and by getting help from a therapist. Most of all, clearly communicate how their actions affect you, and set boundaries and maintain them.

And if you have recognized yourself in some of these behaviors and attitudes, there's help for you, too. First, have a medical exam to rule out underlying physical conditions. There are no medications specifically used to treat NPD, but if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety or other conditions, antidepressants or anti-anxiety medicines may be helpful.

Most of all, find a good therapist to help you face up to narcissistic behaviors through psychotherapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or other therapeutical modes. Even though narcissism is growing as a 21st century scourge, there's no reason we have to accept it.

• Teri Dreher is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). Her new book, "How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself & Your Loved Ones," is now available on Amazon. She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; call her at (847) 612-6684.