Fine-dining skills can make all the difference in a business setting

When I was growing up, going to a restaurant was a special occasion. We had to dress appropriately, be prepared to socialize with the family and know the basics of etiquette.

My parents taught us how to hold silverware properly. In addition, while we were talking, we looked each other in the eye, used full sentences and, most importantly, participated. Without making us feel we were being taught a lesson, my parents gave us a great gift: The ability to socialize in every environment and have confidence in our dining skills.

For many young couples, going out to dinner is a treat and a chance to talk to each other. This is made easier when the kids can occupy themselves in their own world with mobile devices. To me, this is a short-term gain, because the kids are not learning to socialize with adults, their siblings or their friends.

What can you do with the kids at dinner without electronics? Teach the basics: Sit up straight, keep your elbows off the table, this is how to hold a fork, this is how to use a knife. Cutting their own food correctly is no small skill.

We once had a 16-year-old babysitter when our kids were 8 and 10. We served chicken for dinner one night, and the babysitter just sat and looked at her plate. When I asked if there was a problem, she said she did not know how to cut up her food because her mother always did it for her. My 8-year-old went over and cut up her chicken.

Dining skills that children learn when they are very young last a lifetime. A few years ago, I had the opportunity to take out 10 students from a culinary school, and I took them to a fine dining restaurant. My goal for all of them was to be confident in fine dining because, one day, they would have dinner with the boss or go to a nice restaurant for an interview. A future employer would certainly be watching for their dining skills and the ability to engage and socialize in public. Their jobs would depend on it.

The students practiced for a week so that everyone understood which fork or spoon to use and when to use it. We spent a great deal of time creating small talk so that there would be no embarrassing lulls in the conversation, and, if there were lulls, the students learned how to engage the other guests and keep the evening fun.

This meant that they had to come prepared to discuss current events, what is happening in their industry and what goals they had for their career. They also spent a lot of time asking each other questions about their goals and aspirations. I topped it off by having each student stand and offer a toast.

Let me tell you what inspired this article. A few weeks ago, I went to an engagement dinner at a very expensive fine-dining restaurant where the soon-to-be bride, groom and their friends spent the entire time on their phones, including when guests stood up to honor them with a toast. I was shocked at what I regard as very disrespectful behavior.

However, as I thought about it, I realized that these young people were probably never taught dining etiquette. Confidently socializing at a meal with strangers is a skill that must be learned at a young age.

Help your kids understand that there is more to dining than just eating (or sending Instagrams). Your lessons will last a lifetime.

• Izzy Kharasch, www.HospitalityWorks.com, is a Deerfield-based consultant who has worked with 700-plus restaurants. If he can help your restaurant, you can reach him at Izzy@hospitalityworks.com for a free consultation.