25 questions ahead of Super Bowl 59
With another “Super Bowl Week” about to tempt us, we find that there are many more questions than answers. Here are 25 of them, conveniently multiple choice.
1—The Chiefs are favored to beat the Eagles by (a) 1.5 points (b) the hair of their chinny chin chins (c) Taylor Swift.
2—They are playing the game in New Orleans because (a) Las Vegas was booked (b) hurricane season is over (c) habit.
3—The coach of the Eagles can be identified by (a) one of the names on his hoodie (b) the Gatorade in his ears (c) several members of his family.
4—The famous “tush push” by the Eagles is (a) a fourth-down gimmick (b) banned on most dance floors (c) considered too dainty for rugby.
5—There has never been a Three Peat in the NFL because (a) Pat Riley thought of it first (b) Mike Ditka was not a better coach (c) there is no Roman numeral for it.
6—If the Chiefs win this Super Bowl they will change their team name to (a) the Super Chiefs (b) Midwest America’s Team (c) Steaks R Us.
7—The only time Philadelphia won a Super Bowl (a) the Liberty Bell rang again (b) even Alexa was surprised (c) soft pretzels were considered dessert.
8—It is true that (a) the Super Bowl champion no longer goes to Disney World (b) nobody cares if Kendrick Lamar has a wardrobe malfunction (c) the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.
9—The Super Bowl was named after (a) a war (b) a child’s toy (c) a salad bar.
10—Super Bowl officials are known as (a) zebras (b) appaloosas (c) superficials.
11—There has never been a Super Bowl shutout because (a) of Garo Yepremian (b) field goals are allowed (c) Cleveland has never been to a Super Bowl.
12—The New Orleans Superdome became the Caesars Superdome because (a) Mercedes Benz lost interest (b) the name Despot Depot was already taken (c) to make Draft Kings and FanDuel jealous.
13—These two Super Bowl teams are proof that (a) excellence is rewarded (b) Saquon Barkley is the MVP (c) Tom Brady won’t go away.
14—Steroids are (a) always ahead of the tests (b) not to be confused with an iPod (c) the breakfast of champions.
15—The Eagles are in the Super Bowl because (a) the Packers can’t help standing on their own tongues (b) the Rams spent too much time practicing end zone choreography (c) sequels are very popular.
16—Instant replay is (a) the best thing to happen to football since the under the helmet skull cap (b) more unwelcome than a dentist’s thumb (c) a lie.
17—Philadelphia quarterback Jalen Hurts will never be mistaken for (a) Joe Montana (b) Troy Aikman (c) Patrick Mahomes.
18—The next Super Bowl will be (a) in Santa Clara, California (b) number LX (c) one size fits all.
19—The two-minute warning is (a) when they sell radial tires (b) a bartender’s threat (c) a cry of pain from the back of the restroom line.
20—The Super Bowl is bigger than (a) life itself (b) all the marbles (c) the Super Saucer.
21—The over and under is (a) 49½ (b) the only place to hide from the Mannings (c) Andy Reid’s waistline.
22—Kansas City’s wide receivers are (a) really bobblehead dolls (b) often mistaken for end tables (c) ignored by Taylor Swift.
23—To win the Chiefs will need (a) overtime (b) a last-second field goal (c) both because they always do.
24—The difference between winning and losing comes down to (a) the intangibles (b) turnovers (c) the best Super Bowl commercial.
25—The most asked question this week will be (a) are you sure that’s Taylor Swift? (b) if a ticket’s face value is $950, why are you asking $8,000? (c) where are the Bears?