Lincicome: Bears putting jokes aside, but not necessarily leaving them there
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a mediocre football team in possession of the 10th-draft choice will waste it on a tight end.
Thus do the Bears now have another one, Colston Loveland, product of Idaho and the University of Michigan, not that either should be held against him.
He is “Idaho tough,” said general manager Ryan Poles. “It’s not a joke.”
Allow me to figure out what is a joke and what is not a joke, having more experience with such things than Poles. But I do agree, no one is laughing. Sighing, head scratching, scoffing, yes, all of those. Laughter comes later.
The Bears had last century success with a tight end named Mike Ditka, picked fifth, the highest chosen tight end at the time. Thus is the standard there for both the picker — Poles — and the pickee — Loveland — to justify a selection usually left to second thoughts.
It is only recently that the tight end position has found any glamour, thanks almost entirely to Taylor Swift and one of Kelces, although Rob Gronkowski is nearly as obvious as the Mannings, most of whom had the good sense to play quarterback.
The tight end position has the smallest number of Hall of Famers (9), other than kickers and now with Devin Hester, kick returners. It wasn’t until 1988 that Ditka became the first tight end elected, and that because of his notoriety as a coach of the ’85 Bears.
The Bears already have a successful and suitable tight end in Cole Kmet, never the first option for whichever Bears quarterback is ignoring him. Kmet came to the Bears in the usual way, second round, 43rd choice from Notre Dame, without expectations.
How Kmet and Loveland will mesh has something to do with modern offensive thinking, of which new coach Ben Johnson has been accused, when reality foresees competitive irritation.
Loveland said he sees Kmet as a “mentor,” not a term included in Kmet’s contract nor in Kmet’s playing prime.
Whether the Bears needed another tight end or not the question is whether they picked the right one. Most draft analysts, the unpaid kind, figured Penn State’s Tyler Warren would be the first tight end chosen. Why unpaid analysts did so remain among the mysteries of why they do so in the first place.
Which brings me to the jangling carnival of the draft itself. This one was held in Green Bay, and we were reminded over and over that Green Bay is the smallest city of any with a professional sports team.
This is a distinction, I believe, aimed directly at Chicago, the largest city with barely professional sports teams. In fact, early on, an old Packers linebacker on the podium, Clay Matthews, took the microphone to (let’s hope) sarcastically read a message from Donald Trump that “the Bears still suck.”
This brought a big cheer from the smallest city in sports, swollen to twice the town’s population by duped migrants gathering to be part of the NFL’s commitment to wretched excess, this the least sensible of all, cheering names read by a guy who had just minutes earlier ridden around the stage on a bicycle.
Why Roger Goodell rode in on a bicycle was, apparently, to remind all that Green Bay has bicycle riders, not the smallest town to have them, of course, when more appropriately Goodell should have appeared on a tractor.
Goodell promised the crowd they would see the “next generation of stars,” many of whom where there in person dressed for the occasion.
All of this does seem fitting for the Bears’ contribution to the evening, when Goodell read Loveland’s name as if he were announcing another of the evening’s props. Later Poles would defend his choice by proclaiming “we’re really excited,” something that must be taken on faith with Poles, always as dull as wet wash.
According to Poles, Loveland has a “dynamic skill set,” when that should be assumed, and “his blocking is way better than people realize,” something people would not realize had not Poles brought it up.
As always, we shall see what we shall see. No joke.