There's a price to pay

Q. My husband is a bodybuilder with a really hot body. He is also good looking, a nice dresser and quite charismatic. We have a very good relationship. My problem is that many women literally throw themselves at him with me standing right beside him.

At a function for our teenage son, a female acquaintance of ours screamed my husband's name, ran to him, then gave him a full-frontal body hug. During the course of a dinner with board members, the woman sitting next to my husband touched his arm, leaned into him and whispered into his ear about 50 times. On another occasion, another woman who had just met my husband became a bit intoxicated and not once, not twice, but three times squeezed behind him, supplying my husband with a very obvious, very sensual full-frontal body rub each time.

This kind of behavior not only makes me uncomfortable but is starting to make me very angry. What can I say to these women, without causing a big scene, to get them to stop treating my husband like their very own personal boy toy?

Ready to Blow in Buffalo

A. Fabulously built women will always draw catcalls.

Fabulously wealthy, famous or powerful people will always have to be wary of opportunists posing as friends.

And those married to the fabulous will always have the pleasure of watching tipsy partygoers lunge full-frontally at their spouses.

If you're about to accuse me of being bitter: I could just as easily argue that shy people will always get to watch their more outgoing friends suck up most of the attention, or that scrawny kids will always attract playground bullies.

Some things just are.

Granted, if people just behaved themselves, none of these things would be.

And, certainly, this isn't to say people should content themselves with victimhood. Every person in the situations I described can and should develop tactics for deflecting attention, or weeding out gold-diggers, or holding their own. Or, just laughing really hard. Whatever lightens their particular load.

I'm simply saying that for day-to-day sanity, a high outrage tolerance helps. Or, go for it, sympathy: Apparently you value the same things in your husband that these women do.

Mercifully, you don't have to make your own scene to maintain the upper hand with the women who behave rudely. A smile and a raised eyebrow in the interloper's direction can be masterful.

That's because a true smile will come from understanding the following: There's no such thing as an obstacle-free, annoyance-free or idiot-free existence. So, your husband is hot. Pay the toll, put the top down and drive.

Q. I was dating someone for about a month, only to find out he is living with someone. When I asked early on if he had someone special, he said he is dating, but no one special. That was fine -- I'm dating as well. But living with someone! Come on. What is it with men these days?

Maryland

A. What is it with blaming an entire sex these days for one person's bleepy behavior?

Not only is that needlessly divisive, it's also pessimistic where I could make an argument for optimism. You were able to spot a liar before you'd even gotten serious. That looks like a good sign from here.

© 2008, The Washington Post Co.