Grief & healing: Revisiting Memorial Day

I hope everyone had a pleasant Memorial Day holiday last week.

It has traditionally been a family and friends sort of day. Not the old time huge community event it was when I was growing up in northern Minnesota, but still a relaxing day with barbecues or backyard picnics.

I always dwell on memories of my husband, Baheej, on Memorial Day because it was always such a nice day at home with no obligations or schedule. And Baheej always barbecued a tasty batch of lamb chops or chicken or kebabs.

He liked to grill outside, something he learned from his father. And usually he would plant a couple roses bushes in the morning. He was especially good at raising roses, something else he learned from his dad. We had pretty roses all summer.

When we were both still working, those long, four-day holiday weekends were a treasure. A time out to be at home and just enjoy life. And make some home-cooked meals.

Much has changed about the observance of Memorial Day over the years. For one, it is no longer the total community event and family reunion it used to be. And another is a lot of people go out to a restaurant for lunch or supper instead of barbecuing at home.

I was reminded of that this Memorial Day when my friend Donna and I went out for lunch at a nearby barbecue restaurant in West Dundee, The Assembly. Excellent.

The traditional Memorial Day foods are burgers, brats, hot dogs, barbecue chicken or grilled steaks. It was all on the menu at The Assembly. We ordered huge burgers called “bionic” that had absolutely everything on them — bacon, sautéed onions, mushroom sauce, cheese, the works. And the restaurant was still very busy at 2. Our server said they were so swamped at noon, they could hardly keep up with the orders.

So the point is: As we all know, things change. And going out instead of grilling at home is clearly one of them. We had a good time of course. But I missed Baheej, and his delicious grilled lamb chops and kebabs. It’s good that my memories are still vivid. Memories are a blessing.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.