Grammar Moses: The ins and outs of unnecessary words

Last week we looked at how jargon can create roadblocks in our writing, how it can turn off or confuse readers.

This week, it's all about ridding our writing of unnecessary words.

Again, this comes in the form of a letter to the staff I'm sharing with you.

As with jargon, unnecessary words make reading a slog. And we know online readers, at least, appreciate it when we get to the point. It's demoralizing to learn how short readers' attention spans are. In some cases, the average digital reader moves on before the point of the story is expressed.

That's not reader-friendly. And, frankly, it's a waste of our time to write a bunch of details few of you are willing to hang around for.

When I'm working a weekend and a reporter asks me, "How long do you want that story?", my standard response is: "No longer than it needs to be."

I've been on a tear lately to make our stories crisper, more interesting and, well, tighter.

"Tighter" doesn't mean "shorter," though that's generally a happy byproduct of it. I'm looking for the same amount of wheat but less chaff. And with the leftover time, more wheat.

If you're reading the print edition, you would probably appreciate seeing more stories in the news hole we're allotted. I know I would. Making stories leaner ought to help.

Without further ado:

Unnecessary words

Sometimes these words and phrases are necessary, but in different contexts.

• "Different": "The Midland American dialect is prevalent in eight different states."

In this case, "different" is unnecessary. Of course the states are different.

Did you know that in the Chicago area, the "Inland North" dialect is the big thing? We're lumped in with southeast Wisconsin, Michigan (except for most of the U.P.) and upstate New York. The rest of Illinois, along with Iowa, Missouri, Indiana and chunks of Ohio and even Oklahoma, embraces the Midland dialect, Babbel tells us.

• "Located": "The committee decided the festival should be located at Festivus Park."

Here, "at" is sufficient. Now, if the festival in the parking lot between the library and the infant day care were causing too much of a ruckus, you wouldn't be repetitive to say it was being "relocated to" Festivus Park.

• "In order to": "I am getting preachy about tight writing in order to improve the user experience with more stories that are more readable."

"In order" is just padding. "To" is fine alone.

• Prepositional stew:

"It was a matter of the utmost importance to the success of the song that a cowbell, of which there was none used during the original recording, be added to the mix by drummer Albert Bouchard to bring up the percussion that was lost in the shag-carpeted studio."

Many people know the story behind the making of Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper," especially if you've seen the amazing classic "Saturday Night Live" skit, but did you know there are almost as many prepositions in the previous sentence as there were cowbell strikes in the song? Of, to, of, of, during, to, by, up, in!

When you have too many prepositions in a sentence you can get as lost as Jack Nicholson in a hedge maze. You lose track of the action.

Also, prepositions set up passive voice, which drains your writing of authority, enthusiasm and just about everything else.

It's always best to pick the ones that are necessary and skip the rest. Or perhaps break your point into a couple of sentences.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/executive editor of the Daily Herald. You can buy Jim's book, "Grammar Moses: A humorous guide to grammar and usage," at

grammarmosesthebook.com. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com and put "Grammar Moses" in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.