What's behind 'grumpy old man' syndrome?
The "grumpy old man" is a trope we often see in media, from Ebenezer Scrooge to Mr. Wilson in "Dennis the Menace" to Carl, the lonely curmudgeon in the Disney film "Up."
The "grumpy old man" is more stereotype than reality, though, and irritability is not a natural function of aging. In fact, the General Social Survey, conducted since 1972 at the University of Chicago, shows that older people are generally happier than younger ones.
Why? Maybe because older people have adjusted to their expectations in life, or have less stress and more time to do the things they want to do.
So if you're feeling more irritable, or you've noticed these changes in a spouse - male or female - it could be that something else is going on.
Cognitive decline
Older people accused of being grumpy and irritable may be showing symptoms of loss of brain function similar to people with memory impairment. Paranoia and resistance to help may actually be a cover-up for fear; they know they are losing their cognitive function and it frightens them. They need empathy, and a screening for cognitive function.
Health problems
Chronic pain and health issues can also be a source of grumpiness. As more physical maladies arise, a person could become more focused on what's wrong with them, rather than what's still right. Pain often interferes with sleep, causing fatigue, and a person who doesn't feel well will often take it out on those around them.
Hearing loss
Hearing loss is potentially another factor. It's hard to enjoy being with others, or even just going out to dinner or a movie, if you're constantly straining to hear what's being said.
Hormonal changes
Some researchers believe "grumpy old man syndrome" has its roots in the loss of testosterone that comes with aging, which can include physical and emotional changes that seem dependent on hormone levels. TV commercials for "low-T" supplements abound. Dr. Ronald Swerdloff, a spokesperson for the National Institute on Aging, says there's some truth to that.
"I'm not aware that low testosterone is responsible for grumpy old men," he told WebMD. "But people with low testosterone have been shown to have a decrease in (good) mood, and there is some evidence that treatment will improve that."
Other factors
As we age, we come to realize there are only so many more birthdays left. If someone didn't have the life they expected or success in work or personal life, there may be lingering resentment that they're closer to the end than the beginning.
During the Great Recession, many older workers lost their jobs and took an economic hit. Perhaps they retired with less savings than they expected; if so, financial worries can be a source of grumpiness.
Isolation and loneliness are a fact of life for some older people. "Senior orphans" are a growing segment of the population. A spouse dies or divorce happens, friends start to die, the kids live far away - and suddenly they're alone. Men in particular don't age well if they outlive their wives. Loneliness can become a vicious cycle. The less you see people the less you want to see people. Cumulative loss is a cause of depression, too. When we are older, we have many more losses and it can mount up and lead to depression. Lonely older men are particularly at risk for suicide after losing their spouse.
Maybe you're just more apt to say what's on your mind. If, say, the restaurant dinner was bad, someone may be less likely to let it slide and more likely to complain. Impulse control declines as we age, so you may be perceived as more of a curmudgeon than you were before.
Fighting off grumpiness
Let's go back to Carl, the grumpy widower in "Up." He found his smile again by becoming a grandfather figure to the 8-year-old Wilderness Explorer, Russell. And there, I think, is one key to avoiding "grumpy old man syndrome" - finding ways to help someone else.
A lot of schools and libraries have programs where children read to "grandparents." Maybe the local SCPA could use you as a volunteer if you're an animal lover. Food banks always need help. It may be hard to overcome the inertia, but it's worth a try.
Finally, keep up some physical activity, chitchat with the neighbors, read or listen to books - anything to stimulate the social and intellectual parts of your brain. And if you're still feeling grumpy, it may be time for a doctor visit to see if there's an underlying physical cause.
• Teri Dreher is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; call her at (847) 612-6684.