Jim O'Donnell: For Fourth of July barbies, Arlington Heights is still the one to beat in Bears derby

THE DATE WAS JULY 3, 1776, and the city was Philadelphia.

Ben Franklin and others on The Committee of Five were deadline dashing toward the final draft of The Declaration of Independence.

Thomas Jefferson sat center quill. John Adams, Roger Sherman and Robert Livingston scrolled away.

Franklin was at the editing desk. He paused for a moment, looked over at Jefferson and said:

"You know, T.J., if we go through with this thing, they're going to use it somewhere down the line as an excuse to hold NASCAR races on the streets of Chicago."

AND SO THEY ARE, proving that what great thinkers create, others downshift into folly.

But via a random sampling of early barbecue questions in The "At Risk" Triangle of Arlington Heights, Palatine and Rolling Meadows, the No. 1 over-the-grill Q. this weekend is:

Where will the Bears and their new stadium wind up?

If the McCaskeys remain in control, the best possible answer would be San Antonio or Portland.

That would mean the Chicago region gets a brand spanking new NFL franchise. Just like Cleveland back in 1996, when the moth-eaten Art Modell bolted to Baltimore. All intellectual property stays, including history, records, name, colors, fight song and Ed O'Bradovich.

Bye-bye middling family competence. Hello firm-fresh Super Bowl hope.

INSTEAD, REALITIES ROLL, including the existence of that kooky "grass-roots coalition" called Touchdown Arlington. Its being sets up such possible other synthetics as Extra Point Arlington (pro-caligraphy) Sweep Arlington (a coalition in favor of clean streets) and Bootleg Arlington, a grass-roots cocktail concoction featuring Jepperson's Malort.

But as far as the primary question, here's a brief Fourth answer, suitable for patio chitchat everywhere:

Of the 220 or so municipalities, villages and bergs in the Chicago metropolitan area - including the big city - the Bears own 326 acres on only one lush slice of land complete with a long-running global sports entertainment legacy.

IN FIELD-GOAL KICKING, that's still called "a chip shot."

The team's "2023 Bluff and Bluster Summer Tour" can play every 350-seat theater in Chicagoland.

But "tax certainty" is just another semantical dodge for corporate welfarism.

And how can the McCaskey Bears pull away from Arlington Park without looking like world-class poltroons?

More than 21 months after an organization's "winning bid," great thinkers would already have a start date for construction etched by jackhammers.

Instead, a franchise notorious for middling family competence bumbles along like a Committee of Zero.

Does Ben Franklin - or Yogi Berra - have an archived quote to cover such nonsense?

•••

YET ANOTHER WHIP CAME DOWN Friday at slashing ESPN.

Such marquee names as Jeff Van Gundy, Jalen Rose and Suzy Kolber were ashcanned as chairman Jimmy Pitaro continues to cast off close to 7,000 job in an effort to cut costs by $5.5B.

Cord-cutting is taking an enormous toll at the wheezing "Worldwide Leader in Sports."

Also gone are the national ESPN Radio morning crew of Jay Williams, Keyshawn Johnson and Max Kellerman. Their departure further diminishes the croaking lineup at Chicago's WMVP-AM (1000).

THE EXIT OF THE IMPACTING Van Gundy leaves open the possibility that Disney could move forward next winter with an ESPN / ABC NBA A-team of Mike Breen, Doris Burke and Mark Jackson.

In dirge-like tandem, Burke and Jackson could be sponsored by The American Audio Paralysis Association.

If they had called the first game back at the Springfield YMCA in 1891, Dr. James Naismith probably would never have hung the peach baskets again.

Pitaro and Co. now spend close to $80M per year for their grossly overpaid Golden Six of Stephen A. Smith, Troy Aikman, Joe Buck, Pat McAfee, Adam Schefter and Adrian Wojnarowski.

All in all, just a floundering, rudderless ship of fools.

STREET-BEATIN':

The handful of past Arlington Park employees who remain working at the local oval now receive paychecks from the Bears. That's about as symmetrical as hearing that Churchill Downs Inc. will be installing video poker kiosks on Northwest Highway. ...

The generous retirement package Ted Phillips received from the Bears is reported to have a gross worth of close to $5M. Nice burnt-orange bon voyage if you can get it. ...

Bernie Tafoya, one of the few remaining stalwarts from the golden days of WBBM-AM (780), is hoping his golf game will benefit as he scales down to part-time. Like other Audacy stations, AM-780 is being run on the cheap and it sounds like it. ...

With four All-Star Game starters and now Aroldis Chapman in the clubhouse, the Texas Rangers have dead aim on only the third World Series berth in franchise history. Do Kenny Williams and Jed Hoyer study sudden upticks like this or just cash scholarship pay stipends? ...

Jay Mariotti clocked in with a signature chunk of polarizing perspective at substack.com titled, "Connor Bedard is ready for stardom - But is he ready for Chicago?" No sportswriter in Our Town can match Mariotti for sheer talent and none has license to craft such a mature column. (Now if ol' Jay could only learn to leave his past out of contemporary things.) ...

And Mike Wilbon - to Arizona sports Renaissance man Dan Bickley, once a Daily Herald apprentice: "I used to be a journalist. Now I don't know what I am."

• Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears each week on Sunday and Thursday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com. All communications may be considered for publication.